I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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