i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
