I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
