We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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