Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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