Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
soo... how was my night?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
