I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
