I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
