You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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