we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
of course. lets lasso hookers.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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