If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
