Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
pop tarts are not kleenex
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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