Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
