Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
