hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
