Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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