Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
