don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
