I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
