this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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