when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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