My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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