I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
