I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
