I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
