I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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