every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize