Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
