Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
