and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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