I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
