I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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