Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
