He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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