I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
