I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Bang-toberfest begins!!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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