You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
