i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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