No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
