Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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