we have officially lost it.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
