This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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