and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
