Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I know her cup size but not her name....
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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