I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
