I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
