You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
