Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
