Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
