from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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