you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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