I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
