nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
